The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday 7 February 2012

Britain Declares War On France.


In a humiliating attempt to preserve Britain's military reputation, David Cameron has been reduced to begging the US to allow Royal Navy warships to "tag along" during their naval exercise in the Gulf. The Americans had been planning to go it alone since no useful purpose would be served if the Royal Navy took part, but had decided to include French warships. As one unnamed insider told reporters, "Her Majesty’s Government was ­basically forced to plead with Washington for us to be allowed to tag along. It was awful." We asked a MOD spokesperson for their view; "This means war. We cannot have the French being regarded as an important naval power while we are humiliated because of our own ill-advised cuts to the defence budget. We have already ordered HMS Victory to set sail from Portsmouth in order to patrol the seas off Cape Trafalgar and sink any French warships they might find there trying to seize that vital patch of sea. How dare they interfere with our "special relationship" and show us up for the fifth-rate posers we've become over the last 18 months."

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