The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Lansley Apologises For "Accidently" Paying Health Mandarins Through Private Companies.

On a day when David Cameron demonstrated his grasp of health issues by suggesting drunks should be thrown into a holding tank to die, Andrew Lansley, having told us that no one in his ministry was being paid through private companies, has now had to admit that actually 25 are so paid. The 25 assorted bloodsuckers, spivs and crooks have managed to glum £4.2 million out of the public purse and then laundered the money through private companies with offshore bank accounts to avoid paying tax. We asked Andrew Lansley for his comments; "Oh, those 25 people. When I was asked about this I thought they were only asking about actual civil servants. These people are management consultants, efficiency managers and professional corporate hangers-on, all of whom are paid for a valuable contribution to my campaign to rob the NHS of every penny its got. As such I didn't see them as working for the department as such - indeed I could make the case that they only work for me. There is also the question of cost in investigating such things since they are fiendishly difficult to find - especially when you've already been bribed to look the other way. It was all one big accident - being found out that is."

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