The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Nick Clegg Backs Andrew Lansley.

Nick Clegg has come out strongly in favour of Andrew Lansley as Minister for Health; "He's the right man for the job," he told our reporter. "Ignorant, stupid, cackhanded and entirely devoted to lining his own pockets. As such he's a typical Tory but with the added advantage that he has the skin of an elephant. I firmly believe that, as a man whose political career is virtually over, that flogging off the NHS so people with money like me can cash in is definately the best way forward. I understand ordinary people's fears but fully believe that, with enough bullshit, lies and propaganda, we can still persuade them cut their own throats. I'm sure that, if an unelected government in Greece can force through measures to pauperise their entire population, then we can force through a bill that makes healthcare totally unaffordable for the majority of people in Britain."

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