The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Eric Pickles: Councils Have The Right To Be Nuts.

Eric Pickles, the Minister For Local Mismanagement pictured above, has thrown his not inconsiderable weight behind the Devon council who want to open their proceedings by mumbling magical incantations to an invisible bearded man in the sky. "They have a right to be as barmy as they like," Mr.Pickles thundered at the cameras, shaking his jowels with supressed anger. "We Tories know that it is very important to get God's permission before doing anything - especially if that anything is really, really nasty. Praying is a very British thing to do and has often taken the place of reasoned thought at times of stress. What would have happened in 1940 if we hadn't prayed to the Almighty? Where would the Spitfire's have come from if not delivered from on high by angels disgused as the women pilots of Transport Command? Where would we all be now if George Osborne and David Cameron didn't pray for guidance every night and, instead, relied on such things as facts and figures? Mind you, I would draw the line at Bradford council calling the faithful to prayer from a minaret before opening proceedings."

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