The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Tory Unemployment Ploy Hits The Buffers (Twice).

The Tory policy of increasing unemployment in order to cower the population ran into not one but two embarassing facts today. The first embarassing fact is that the government has had to spend £30 million hiring agency staff to fill the gaps they created in the civil service in their rush to throw as many people out of work as possible. The £30 million is in addition to the £90 million already spent on redundancies making an eye watering £120 million wasted on achieving absolutely nothing. In all it is expected that the tax payer will have to stump up £1 billion in redundancy payments as this moronic government sacks everyone in sight for no sensible reason. Meanwhile Emma Harrison, the so-called "Back To Work" tsar, and her company A4e, which is reputed to be the most successful useless business in the world, is under investigation for fraud. Apparently A4e has been glumming money out of the public purse by pretending to find people stable employment whereas, in fact, some the unemployed people involved have only had one day's work. Ms Harrison is doing a Rupert Murdoch and feigning complete surprise that the company she owns and which pays her staggering amounts of money might be staffed by a bunch of crooks. "If there are any allegations or investigations of fraud in any of our activities, we will co-operate fully with the DWP and also anything referred to the police," an A4e spokesperson told reporters and then added, "We have a zero-tolerance policy of fraud." Meanwhile Ms Harrison told the "News In Shorts," "I know nothing of this, never go to the office, have no idea what my staff do all day and have no idea why they keep giving me stupendous amounts of money for doing nothing and knowing nothing. Its all a bit of a mystery to me."

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