The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Tories Put Somalia In The Crosshairs.

After two decades of being completely ignored by Britain and the rest of the world, Somalia has suddenly risen to the top of the political agenda. Following a surprise visit to the country by William Hague who announced that there now existed an historical opportunity to "rebuild the country," David Cameron hosted an international conference that issued both dire warnings about the spread of terrorism and suggested that something might yet be done to head off the suddenly dangerous threat Somalia represented. What wasn't fanfared quite so loudly was the behind the scenes negotiations with Somali "officials" from a country without a functioning government about exploiting the newly discovered oil reserves there. While the mysterious Somali "officials" were confident that Britain could "help us build our capacity to maximise future earnings from the oil industry," Cameron and Hague were pointing out that occupying the country would be a relatively easy and inexpensive exercise. Meanwhile Abdulkadir Abdi Hashi, minister for international cooperation in Puntland, a place unheard of since the time of the Egyptian Pharoes, said; "We need those with the necessary technical knowhow, we plan to talk to BP at the right time." BP immediately sprang into action to deny they had any plans for operations in Somalia and, instead, revealed plans to "support job-creation projects in the coastal regions of Somalia." Presumably the oil giant is hoping to encourage local "entrepreneurs" to create new businesses that are not exclusively based on the ownership of kalashnikovs.

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