The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Ian Duncan Smith Raises Prejudice To The Level Of Policy Again.

Ian Duncan Smith, who has never done a real day's work in his life, has now declared that "stacking shelves is better than dreaming of stardom on the X factor." We asked the most evil and stupid man in modern British politics to expand on this thought; "I came to this conclusion while watching the early stages of the "X Factor." It was filled with working-class scum who had deluded themselves into thinking that they can sing. I immediately realised that the vast majority of working-class scum think in this way about everything because I am a genius who can make these connections without any real evidence to support them. They are all deluded in believing that they have a future or that they might be able to "better" themselves. I decided then it had to stop. I remembered an old saying - "We are all of us lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" - and realised that that should read - "We are all of us lying in the gutter but ordinary working-class scum would be better off staring down the sewer." It was then that I had my great idea. All those deluded working-class scum graduates who were dreaming of becoming doctors, airline pilots, lawyers or even middle management should be forced to stack shelves in Tesco's for no pay to show them that they are all actually no-hopers. Hard work without hope of improvement is the quickest way, I believe, of re-establishing the class system in Britain which has been the bedrock of our success. It is a vital first step towards making our great nation more competative in a world where Indian and Chinese sweatshops are the way forward. With the indigenous population believing that they have any chance whatsoever of ever landing their dream job, no wonder businesses have no choice but to employ foreigners who have already been taught that they are scum and are good only for menial tasks. Work experience is part of the fight-back of welfare reform — based on the principle that working-class scum should do as they are told and get used to living in the grinding poverty that is all they deserve."

No comments:

Post a Comment