The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Simon Burns Mounts Rearguard Action Over NHS.

Simon Burns, looking as green as his lookalike Kermit the Frog, has given the BBC a fine performance today defending Andrew Lansley's doomed attempt to privatise the NHS. "How can you defend this when even Tory cabinet ministers and Tory websites are saying it should be dropped?" he was asked. "Well," he replied with great cunning, "sixty years ago many surgeons who are now long dead were against the introduction of the NHS in the first place. That proves that Andrew Lansley is right. I would also like to say that the NHS is too important to the country to used as a political football and that I now intend to sit here, put my fingers in my ears and shout lah, lah, lah as loudly as possible." Faced with such fiendishly clever tactics BBC presenter Matthew Amroliwala had no choice but to basically ask; "Are you clinically insane or what?" Meanwhile George Osborne, aka "the submarine," has been sighted quickly submerging under the waves with Andrew Lansley and David Cameron desperately banging on the conning tower screaming to be let aboard.

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