The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 9 February 2012

Bank of England Gives High Street Banks Another £50 Billion For No Apparent Reason.


As demand has continued to plummit in Britain, unemployment reaches for the moon and the economy sinks without trace, the Bank of England has decided to use the tried and tested technique of handing the high streets another £50 billion in "quantative easing." This has been tried already to the tune of £275 billion and the result was that the banks said "Thank you very much" and used the money to repair their huge financial "imbalances" or, as the rest of us would know it, their bad debts. So how, you may ask, will shovelling money into a banking black hole help the rest of the economy? It won't. There is an alternative of course - handing the money to the people to spend in the wider economy. But that, apparently, is out of the question because ordinary people might be tempted to use it to pay off their credit cards or simply save it. Given the sheer pent up demand for even basic commodities this seems unlikely but, even if true, this could easily be avoided by issuing credit notes that can only be spent on certain products. Simples! Too simples for the likes of this government who despise ordinary people and have all the imagination of a dead whelk.

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