The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Cameron Hails One Sided Conversation "A Great Success."

After his meeting with NHS professionals who agree with him David Cameron has announed that the new Tory principle of talking to himself is a "great success." "I've talked to people who disagree with me in the past and have found it to be deeply unhelpful. There are far too many people in this country who have opinions of their own and, in my experience, they should be avoided at all costs. I have never experienced any dissent when talking to myself and have decided that, as far as the NHS is concerned, this is the way forward. Having listened only to those who agree with me I've come to the conclusion that I was right all along and that those who disagree with don't actually exist. In political terms this is a great step forward and I urge leaders across the world to adopt the technique. This is democracy at its best, creating peace, harmony and with no inconvenient facts to spoil things. I have spoken to Andrew Lansley today and have told him that I have complete confidence in him. He in turn has told me that he has complete confidence in me. I think this is very significant and indicates that a dialogue of the deaf has had a bad press and can still have important outcomes if conducted properly. My next idea is to hold an election in which only those voting Tory are counted. That will put an end to all this pesky opposition once and for all."

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