The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

George Osborne Punishes Part-Time Workers.

George Osborne, in line with his reputation for being a complete smeghead, has begun the process of taking away tax credits from those who need it most. We asked the man rumoured to be Chancellor of the Exchequer for his comments; "The project begun under Margaret Thatcher to reduce wages in this country to the level of child labour in the third world is nearing completion and, having persuaded people in this country to put their heads in the noose, it's time to kick the chair away. I've heard that part-time workers who can't get full time work in our neoliberal paradise will suffer most, losing as much as £4,000 a year. To be honest I don't actually know the figures because it's of no interest to me, but, on the bright side, companies that don't want to pay a living wage will still be able to continue doing so while, at the same time, paying even less in tax than they do now. Now that's what I call a win/win situation. At last we will create clear water between benefit scroungers and corporate scroungers and rebalance the equation to benefit the already rich. All in all a good day's work as far as I'm concerned."

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