Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Osborne Sends His Regrets.
George Osborne has refused Nick Clegg's plea to raise the tax threshold for the poor, pleading a lack of resources as the economy continues to sink. "It's not my fault," he told our reporter. "It's all the fault of the last government/Greece/world economic conditions/cost of riots/snow in winter/drought in summer/royal weddings (please pick your favourite and insert in sentence). I would like to cut taxes to the peasants, honest I would, but I can't do that until just before the next election otherwise I'll have nothing to bribe the moronic electorate with. We're all in this together - even I'm suffering as I find it increasingly hard to dodge my tax liabilities, find the money from the public purse to fund my mortgage and provide fig trees for MP's dining room so I don't get too warm while eating my lunchtime caviar. You shoud feel sorry for me having to balance my part-time job as Chancellor while paying attention to my other, and more important, business interests. Being incredibly wealthy has never been so hard. Being poor is easy by comparison I can tell you."