The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

CBI Calls For Tax Cuts For Them.(Again)

The Director General of the CBI, John Cridland pictured above, has, yet again, called on the government to cut taxes for poor pressurised businessmen. "It is a well known fact," Mr.Cridland told out reporter, "that when the poor are starving the best solution is to give rich people bigger meals. The government could cut the taxes of ordinary people and thereby increase demand in the economy but we at the CBI don't believe that this is the best way forward. No, what is called for is tax cuts to the rich so that they feel better and are more confident. It is also a well known fact that demand in the economy is nowhere as important as businessmen feeling happy. For the last 30 years they have been positively ecstatic and look how well we did. Of course the lack of spending power amongst ordinary people was a bit of a problem, but the lack of confidence amongst businessmen in now positively catastrophic. I've had them in my office crying into their glasses of champagne and hardly touching their smoked salmon and cavier. It's tragic! Poor people queueing for food handouts is nothing compared to the queueing of the wealthy to see their over-priced psychoanalysts. This has to stop.

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