The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

MOD Increases Unemployment In Britain.

The MOD have announced that they commissioned the building of four 37,000 tonne support tankers worth £425 million - from South Korea. British shipyards, those that survive at any rate, didn't even make it the stage of placing final bids. We asked a Ministry spokesperson for an explaination; "This proves the great advantages of free trade which allows organisations like us to provide much needed jobs for foreigners. It has been suggested that we should buy from British shipyards, but that would simply encourage the growth of trade unions and I'm afraid we can't have that. It also saves taxpayers millions of pounds even while, at the same time, it helps to throw thousands of them out of work. I understand that this argument is of no relevance to the wealthy since, by and large, they don't pay tax, but for the hoipolei it provides a gratuitious argument that compels them to vote Tory. All in all this is what we term "a result." Shipyard workers are less impressed but who cares about them?"

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