The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Tesco Discovers Customers Don't Like Slavery.

In a shock revelation for Tesco, the company have found that its customers are rather opposed to the idea of being served by what amounts to slaves after a storm of protest. Having originally thought that having people work for free throughout the night stacking shelves was a really good idea, they now seem to have changed their minds as thousands of disgusted customers threatened to bycott the stores. Having suddenly found the word "conscience" in the dictionary the company has now told the government that they will only accept unemployed people who have had at least the choice of volunteering. Meanwhile lawyers are preparing a legal claim against the government under the Human Rights Act legislation on forced labour. We asked a Chris Grayling, Minister for Destroying the Morale of the Unemployed, for the government's view; "We've always maintained that the Human Rights Act was forced on us by faceless bureaucrats in Brussels and this proves it. It may have stopped us deporting undesirable people to countries who torture their citizens because we wouldn't like to be embarassed in the UN, but I don't see why it should stop us enslaving our own population if we want to. The idea that providing work experience for unemployed young people is some kind of forced labour is utterly and completely absurd - completely true, but completely absurd."

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