The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

"'Tis But A Scratch" Tories Claim After Disastrous Day.

The day began badly enough with several Tory MP's losing a fistfight against one Labour MP in a bar in Parliament. The slide continued later in the day when the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, who had been one of the "supporters" of Lansley's reform bill invited to Downing Street over the weekend, withdrew that support and called for the government to abandon the whole idea. Then, just when the Tories thought it was safe to return to the TV studios, Emma Harrison, under investiagtion for fraud, relinquished her role as the government's "Family Champion" to concentrate on her new career of avoiding jail. We asked a Tory party spokesperson for a comment; "Today was not a disaster as has been claimed in some quarters. Our MP's in the bar room brawl were able to fight off their assailant by running around and screaming for help. We didn't want the paediatrician's support in any case and Emma Harrison has shown the courage and honesty that she has failed to show in her business dealings. All in all we see today as a moral victory for our party which has shown its noble character in the face of great adversity. It will take more than this to blow us off course now we've run aground, while we see our total ignorance of all Britain's problems as a strength rather than a weakness."

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