The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 1 February 2012

Pertempts Succeed In Getting More People Into Unpaid Work.


In a great triumph for the goverment's policy of getting unemployed people back into work Pertemps have managed to get many into unpaid work. We asked Chris Graylaing, Minister for Punishing the Unemployed, for his view; "This is wonderful news and just goes to show what can be achieved when you force poor people to work for rich people for nothing. One shouldn't underestimate how fiedishly difficult it is to get people into unpaid jobs and Pertemps deserve every penny of the millions we're giving them. I simply don't understand why this hasn't been tried before by previous governments. I can only assume its because that any government that didn't happen to be Tory had no need to since they tend not to throw everyone out of work in the first place. In which case I can only say that they've been very shortsighted. Imagine how competative we can become as a nation if we don't pay anyone for the work they do - anyone apart from rich people that is. With the happy return of slum landlords, the end to benefits, affordable housing and the demise of the NHS, we are almost back to the halcyon days of the mid-19th century with the added benefit of circumventing the laws against slavery. At this rate we'll soon be back to prosperity - well, some of us at least."

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