The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Chris Grayling: Opponants Of Slavery Are "Job Snobs"

While Michael Gove persues his nasty little campaign against "queers and the sinful" in our schools, Chris Grayling, Minister For Spitting On The Unemployed, has decided that anyone who objects to the Tory reinvention of slavery are merely "job snobs." Such people are "hypocrites" Grayling suggests, while people like William Wibeforce, whose campaign against slavery culminated in the "Abolition of Slavery Act" in 1833 were, presumably, misguided philanthropists who should have taken up knitting. We asked the man promoted above his intellectual ability for an explaination; "Short term work experience placements lasting a few weeks are of immense value to young people looking to get a foothold on the job ladder and hoping for a career involving being chained to an oar. There is nothing wrong with stacking shelves at Tesco's throughout the night for no pay if you're an unemployed scrounger - and all the unemployed are scroungers you know - and you're too poor to afford an internship. These people should be grateful to us for allowing them to live at all. The only alternative, frankly, is to turn the Olympic stadium into an ampitheatre and make the unemployed fight each other to the death. Come to think of it..."

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