Cameron Hails One Sided Conversation "A Great Success."

After his meeting with NHS professionals who agree with him David Cameron has announed that the new Tory principle of talking to himself is a "great success." "I've talked to people who disagree with me in the past and have found it to be deeply unhelpful. There are far too many people in this country who have opinions of their own and, in my experience, they should be avoided at all costs. I have never experienced any dissent when talking to myself and have decided that, as far as the NHS is concerned, this is the way forward. Having listened only to those who agree with me I've come to the conclusion that I was right all along and that those who disagree with don't actually exist. In political terms this is a great step forward and I urge leaders across the world to adopt the technique. This is democracy at its best, creating peace, harmony and with no inconvenient facts to spoil things. I have spoken to Andrew Lansley today and have told him that I have complete confidence in him. He in turn has told me that he has complete confidence in me. I think this is very significant and indicates that a dialogue of the deaf has had a bad press and can still have important outcomes if conducted properly. My next idea is to hold an election in which only those voting Tory are counted. That will put an end to all this pesky opposition once and for all."

Cameron In Last Ditch Defence Of NHS Bill.

David Cameron has mounted a last ditch attempt to save Lansley's bill to privatise the NHS in a high level meeting at No.10. As an attempt to persuade those opposed to support the bill, however, it lacks one crucial ingredient - those invited only include organisations that already agree. Those who disagree are, apparently, persona non grata. At last Cameron and Lansley will be able to claim rightly that everyone agrees with them - in the room at any rate. Cameron has billed the meeting as a chance to show where the Tories "are coming from," presumably because they don't want anyone to know where they're going. We asked a government spokesman for more details; "The Prime Minister and Minister for Privatising the NHS are very keen to be seen pretending the bill has at least some support before they are forced to do a humiliating u-turn and Lansley is burned at the stake. We still believe that privatising the NHS is a good idea since we, in the Tory party, hope to cash in on it at some in the future. However, we also recognise that the bill has become an albatross around our necks and might well lose us the next general election. That would be disastrous since we need an outright majority to force through privatisation when we can actually get away with it."