Upside Down In The Looking-Glass Tory World.

When the Tories were helped over the final obstacle to power - the fact that they hadn't won the election - by a starstuck LibDem party, David Cameron set about the task of filling the cabinet office with greatest number of dingbats, the mentally subnormal, religious maniacs and the downright evil that he could find. The result was Andrew Lansley, suicidally arrogant, as Minister for Health, George Osborne, who couldn't find his arse with both hands, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, Baroness Warsi, who longs to be English, male and Christian, as party Chairman and Ian Duncan Smith, who would have done sterling service at Aushwitz, as Minister for Work and Pensions. Other members of this freakshow included Michael Gove, who believes the King James Bibile can cure failing schools, Thersa May, who regards porous national borders as "unfortunate" (at least for her) and Chris Grayling who doesn't believe that unpaid work under compulsion is actually slavery. Having assembled this unattractive crew whose only reaction to anything is knee-jerk, Cameron then set about turning the world on its head. "Capitalism is out of control," he told the electorate and then turned on the poor to bail out the wealthy. "The NHS is safe in our hands," he assured us and then tried to flog it off to his mates. "Britain will remain strong," he sternly warned the rest of the world and then sacked almost the entire armed forces. "We must get Britain working," he reassured us, then sacked everyone else. Now, today, we have yet more examples of "Cameron in Wonderland," with Lloyds TSB still handing out eye-watering bonuses despite stupendous loses and a collapse of its share price, HMRC targetting market traders while ignoring the billions being glumbed out of Britain by the likes of Goldman Sachs and the "Telegraph" calling for more privatisation of the public sector because they help to expose fraud! Upside down, through the looking glass, down the rabbit hole - all are descriptions that fit Britain today, while we all tuck into our gruel and humble pie at the behest of the man in the top hat with a label that reads 10/6.

Cameron: All Mouth And No Trousers.

David Cameron, after his rousing speech about the evils of "crony capitalism," has come out fighting. Striking out against excessive executive pay, he defended the £1.2 million being handed over to the Chief Executive of the publicly owned RBS -BIFF! Then, dancing like Muhammed Ali in his heyday, he next tackled the lobbyists who have poisoned our politcal life by drawing up a register that fails to tell us what they are lobbying for or how much they are being paid or by whom - BAM! Calling on his cabinet colleagues to support him in the good fight, he was joined by Michael Gove whose immediate instinct was to provide the Queen with a new yacht at public expense - KAPOW! Then Ian Duncan Smith waded in with a spirited defence of his policy to take benefits away from the disabled and sick on the basis that it was necessary in order to break the "dependency culture" and persuade the infirm and dying that it is their duty to work so he and his rich mates don't have to pay taxes - SMACK! Cameron has done us all a service by defining who the enemy is - unfortunately, despite all the meaningless and deceptive rhetoric, that enemy seems to be us.

Tories Continue With Blame Game.

In a week where the British domestic economy has continued its nosedive, Europe has come back to bite the Tories and poverty has refused to go away, David Cameron has reverted to the usual Tory tactic of blaming the victims. In the cse of the economy it was a tale of how the debt crisis in Greece was affecting Britain's economic performance; "Oh yes," he told our reporter, "there can be no doubt that the crisis in a currency we are not part of and the economic crisis in a country in which we have little financial interest has blown us off course. This is due to a contra-ratating eliptical movement in the Eurozone which has resulted in many of our export companies pocketing profits instead of investing. As to poverty - as I said to the Blessed St. Margaret Thatcher only yesterday - we can make poverty a thing of the past. All we have to do is cut the poor off from any benefits and they'll all be dead in a fortnight. Problem solved. In any case I blame the last Labour government for all this since they resolutely refused to utterly destroy the economy in order to save us the trouble. I believe in small government - the less we have to do for our money the better as far as I'm concerned."