The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Osborne: Taxation Deters Businessmen Because They're Greedy And Stupid.

Having announced his distraction to the real purpose behind the budget, that he will "come down hard of rich people dodging stamp duty," George Osborne has been busy setting out his reasons for not taxing rich businessmen; "Essentially higher taxation deters business and enterprise because all businessmen are greedy and stupid. Having no idea how capitalism actually works, they won't even get out of bed unless we reward them with huge amounts of tax free money for doing as little as possible. It is because they are so greedy and stupid that we must reward them to attract the best kind of morons to these positions. There is a world competition going on the attract the greediest and most stupid and we have to compete with other countries who are too corrupt to have taxation to make sure we get our fair share of idiots. With no taxation to speak of as far as the rich are concerned, we have no alternative but to tax ordinary people to death. They are stupid too, inasmuch as they will stand by and let us do it. Of course, in the end, there will be no money left in the economy for ordinary people to buy things with and businessmen will soon find themselves out of business but, by then, they'll be even richer and won't care too much. I won't care because I'll be out of politics and will have retired to my beach villa in Florida or wherever. And that is how my budget will work in the interests of the nation - rewarding the greedy and stupid by taking money from the plain stupid." Toryism dolendum est!

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