The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

David Cameron Lies And Then Runs Away.

David Cameron was finally tracked down today in his "Sport Relief" togs and asked about that unfortunate Peter Cruddas business. The PM described the claims made by Mr.Cruddas as "completely unacceptable" and then went on the tell viewers that "I took over a party with £20 million of debt. It's now virtually debt-free." The "News in Shorts" found both comments to be rather puzzling - after all we already know that people like Mr.Cruddas peddling interviews with members of the government is unacceptable, and the fact the Tory party is no longer in debt after less than two years in power is hardly a surprise. So we asked the PM for a further comment about the more than apparent corruption in his party; "Corruption? What corruption? I did wonder who all these people are that I keep meeting over lunch and why they want to talk to me. I never talk to anyone about anything important and the fact that these people keep waiving money in my face is a total mystery to me. Its very nice of them to slip me the odd £250,000, but I can't imagine why they would want to. As for Mr.Cruddas, I don't know who he is, what he does or why he would make the extraordinary claims that he does. I can only assume that, like Liam Fox, he is a Walter Mitty character who has no place in the modern Tory party until I can find him another job and slip him back in when no one's looking."

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