The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Did Cameron Eat That Pasty Or Not?

In what has become a burning question in British politics, doubts have been thrown on David Cameron's story about eating a Cornish Pasty at Leeds railway station. "There hasn't been a cornish pasty outlet at Leeds railway station for five years," Jeremy Paxman told a disbelieving British public tonight. "This is a class issue," a Labour party spokesman informed us gravely. "But it is also an issue of trust. How can you believe anything this government says if the Prime Minister will lie about a thing like this?" We asked David Cameron for his comments; "Of course I've never eaten a bloody pasty. Do I look like a peasant? In fact I bought a brace of pheasants, a stilton and a bottle of bubbly that day on expenses - and it wasn't from a bloody railway station. As for this being a matter of trust - I'm a Tory and have to lie to get any votes at all for Christ's sake. We raised vat on hot pasties because none of the cabinet eat that sort of peasant crap and neither do our rich mates. Thank God oysters are eaten cold."

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