The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Homelessness Increases By 14% In One Year.

In a triumph for Tory policy homelessness in Britain has increased by 14% in the last year and is set to increase even further as housing benefit cuts begin to bite. We asked David Cameron for a comment; "It's been a struggle as the limted amount of success we've enjoyed so far demonstrates. Fourteen per cent is a good start but we're expecting much better results in the near future. We are confident that we will have a significant number of people on the streets soon and achieve our target of 50% empty houses by the end of this year. Once this is achieved we can then demolish all the ugly housing that blights our country and replace it with beautiful open parklands where peasants can be hunted with greater ease. The most important thing, however, is that we will then be able to save billions on housing benefit and reduce the tax burden on the better sort of person in Britain. You have to remember that when I said "We're all in this together," I didn't actually promise that we'd all be in a house or even a job. We are all in this together but some of you will have to be in it outside."

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