The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

Putin Set For Victory In Russia.

Vladimir Putin, the world's most famous gay pin-up, is set to win the Presidential election in Russia our Moscow correspondent has reported. Mr.Putin turned up today at the polling station stripped to the waist having wrestled a bear outside and granted our reporter an interview. Asked how he expected to win despite all the demonstrations against him he replied; "Well you know it's easy when your supporters get to vote three times each and my own vote is counted 3 million times. I got the idea from Britain where a third of the vote is enough to deliver a majority for any particular party." Our reporter then asked the President-In-All-But-Name for his views on Syria. "Of course I am a humanitarian and think that the one-sided reporting about Syria is a disgrace. We get pictures of civilians being slaughtered in the streets and children shot dead by snipers. But what about the report that landed on my desk the other day describing how a poor innocent member of a death sqaud stubbed his toe? When a dictator can't murder his own citizens with impunity, then what is the world coming to?" Our reporter then asked about Russia's relations with the West. "What relations?" Mr.Putin replied. "The West is only there to buy our gas."

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