The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Osborne Set To Punish The North For Not Voting Tory.

In an unprecedented display of sheer vindictiveness George Osborne is planning to end national pay rates for the public sector. The plan is to pay civil servants and public workers "local rates of pay" and entrench the north-south economic divide as a permanent feature in Britain. A treasury spokesperson has described the measure as "ensuring the UK has a responsive, modern labour force" and as "pro-growth because it would help make the private sector become more competitive." A "responsive" labour force, of course, actually means a labour force that can be bullied at will and treated with contempt. The second statement is more difficult to interpret since taking even more demand out of an already ailing economy can hardly be described as "pro-growth." Nor does it give any clue as to how slashing wages in the public sector will help the private sector become more "competative." There is, in fact, no justification for this ideological attack on living standards and the only conclusion that can be drawn is that it is punishment handed out to northerners who have refused to vote Tory in order to cut their own throats. In effect the Tories have declared war on their fellow countrymen and will be completely responsible for any civil disturbances that occur as a result of their spiteful attack. From now on the "News In Shorts" will adapt Cato the Elder's famous epigram "Carthago dolendum est" (Carthage must be destroyed) - "Toryism dolendum est."

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