The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Baroness Warnock Calls For Murder Of The Aged.

Baroness Warnock, pictured above and the nearest thing that the Tories have to an intellectual, has called on old people to kill themselves rather than be a burden on the country. "If you're demented," the demented old bat told reporters, "you're wasting people's lives – your family's lives – and you're wasting the resources of the National Health Service." We asked the insane peer for a further comment on her "ethical" stand; "The Nazi's had it right. Anyone who is not considered useful by the state should be euthenased so the rest of us don't have to pay taxes. Only if old people, like me, remain as fresh as they were when they were 20 and manage to get a seat in the House of Lords should they be spared. Otherwise they should be humanely gassed and their bodies used as fertiliser. I have been very concerned about the scandal of our old people's carehomes and have come to the conclusion that the only answer is to close them all. In fact, to be honest, I think that anyone who doesn't vote Tory should be murdered as well."

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