The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Cameron Remains Defiant And Unrepentant.

In one of the most remarkable acts of sheer imbecility ever witnessed in British politics David Cameron has told his party that he remains defiant in the face of opposition to the NHS Reform Bill. "Fortune favours the utterly stupid," he told the audience as one shouted out "No," - demonstrating that some Tories at least still have working brain cells. "Yes, it does," the badly delusional PM shot back. "Destroying the NHS is in this party's DNA," he went on to say. "And we will destroy it no matter how many lies we have to tell the peasants. I am willing to take a hit on this." As Tories lined up pulling on boxing gloves Andrew Lansley threw himself in front of the "beloved leader" and vowed his undying loyalty. Michael Gove, seen sharpening a collection of knives and passing them to Theresa May, Chris Grayling and Liam Fox, added that Cameron still commanded the respect and loyalty of the cabinet while Nick Clegg and Vince Cable ran for the relative safety of LibDem headquarters. Later Cameron was heard to say "The Ides of March are here," while Ken Clarke muttered "Aye Cameron, but not yet gone."

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