The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 26 March 2012

Francis Maud: "Tories Taking Bribes Is All Labour's Fault."

Francis Maud, standing in for the PM who, as usual, was strangely absent when faced with real trouble, has told Parliament that the "cash for influence" scandal is all Labour's fault. "If Labour would simply agree to cut their own throat and disallow donations from the unions, we wouldn't have to accept bribes to get cash. It's unfair that they have millions of people contributing to their party while we only have a few wealthy and selfish individuals who will only give us money if we reward them in the budget. We, on this side of the house, are very enthusiastic about reform of the donation system as long as we can still keep getting backhanders. As it is all any of the electorate have to do is give £10,000 and we'll listen to them otherwise they can bog off. I am at a complete loss to understand why members of the Tory party keep claiming that you can buy influence with the government for £250,000. It's absolutely true, of course, but I don't understand why they keep talking about it and getting us into trouble."

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