The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Police To Be Privatised.

West Midlands and Surrey police are offering a £1.5bn contract under which private firms may investigate crime and detain suspects in probably one of the most insane privatisation bids by the present gang of imbeciles masquerading as Britain's government. We asked Home Secretary Theresa May, pictured above auditioning for "Dr.Who," what scam she was trying on now; "I have been impressed by how business has raised criminal activity to the level of an art form in the last 30 years and simply put two and two together. While common criminals continue to commit petty crimes such as theft and drug dealing, why not expose them to the real criminals in our society - the business elite? We can pay such businessmen huge amounts of taxpayers money for actually achieving very litte and open up yet another income stream for the Tory party at the same time. Of course we can expect the usual tax dodging, fraud and outright theft that has characterised British business over the last 30 years, but that is small price to pay for the advantages of privatisation. These advantages will include diverting money from the poor into the pockets of the rich, growing violence to thin out the ranks of working class scum and a police force answerable only to shareholders and newspaper proprietors. That should put paid once and for all to the terrible sight of rich people being arrrested and tried for simple errors such as mistaking other people's money for their own."

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