The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Private Sector Recovery Fails To Materialise.

Unemployment in Britain last month rose by 48,000 to 2.67m or 8.4 per cent, and is now at its highest level for 16 years. This despite the promises made by David Cameron and George Osborne that cuts in public-sector employment would be more than offset by increases in private-sector employment. We asked David Cameron what has gone wrong; "Gone wrong? What makes you think anything has gone wrong? This is merely phase two of my plan to beat the British people into submission. Let me explain. Phase one was throwing as many public-sector workers out of a job as possible and increasing unemployment to frightening proportions. Phase two will now consist of throwing up my hands in horror and looking puzzled before throwing millions of pounds of tax payers money at the private sector to "persuade" them to take on more workers. After that comes phase three in which I strip away all workers rights and pretend that they are resposnible for high unemployment in the first place. Not only does this cunning plan scare the hell out of the peasants it also transfers millions to my mates in companies like A4e and allows for the total destruction of the last remaining rights of workers. This will open the way for phase four - what used to be called slavery but is now termed "a fully flexible workforce." Now do you see?"

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