The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 24 March 2012

Chris Grayling Sells Britain Short As Usual.

Chris Grayling, Employment Minister and one of the Tories leading numbskulls, has decided that a new computer system for implimenting Ian Duncan Smith's latest spiteful little plan will be developed and run in India. We asked the Minister, shown above inspecting a graphic representation of Britain's society, for his view; "It was a no-brainer to be honest and, since I don't have a brain, it was the ideal solution as far as I'm concerned. You have to realise that being spiteful and vicious towards your own people is easier if you get foreigners to do the dirty work for you. The second point is that, as Minister for Employment, it is my duty to make sure unemployment remains high in Britain to force wages down and punish working people for not voting Tory when they're told to. I know that I said that any such projects would be designed and built in Britain but, as a Tory, I tell lies like that all the time." Meanwhile we asked Paul Macpherson, from Universal Credit Design Technology who are responsibe for opening "Delivery Centres" in India for his comments; "Using Indian labour will keep costs down and allow for work around the clock since these people are paid next to nothing for working 18 hours a day. It is very important that such expertise is encouraged in India to make absolutely sure that no working-class scum in this country ever get even a sniff of a job or any training that might give them ideas above their station. Now bugger off because I'm busy making loads of money for selling the country down the drain."

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