Tory Party Turns On Osborne.

The Tory party has, in the wake of one of the most one-sided budgets ever foisted off onto the British people, begun to turn on George Osborne. Their anger is based on two things, neither of which has anything to do with fairness. The first point that has been raised is over the "granny tax." This inequitous piece of double-dealing is decidedly unfair, but the Tories are more worried that Osborne may have "softened" Tory support amongst the over-65's. This group not only tends to vote Tory because they're frightened of everything, they also rarely change their voting pattern unless they are really, really upset. Having your pockets picked does have a tendency to annoy people. The second point is that Osborne has deliberately cast aside the "we're all in this together" ploy and shown up the Tories for what they actually are - a bunch of rich people with no interest in anyone but themselves. This too might well cost them dear at the next election. But at least the Tories are living up to their reputation, not only for being stupid and selfish, but also for stabbing each other in the back at the drop of a hat. Toryism dolendum est!

The Budget - Super-Rich United 3,000,000,000 - All The Rest 0

George Osborne has today finally got rid of the 50p top rate of tax - a tax that both damaged Britain because it made rich people poorer and, at the same time, actually raised no money at all. Meanwhile, as quantum physicists wrestled with this seeming paradox, HMRC was readying itself to be overwhelmed by the super-rich queueing up to pay 45p in the pound. We asked one such super-rich businessman what he thought of the budget; "Reducing the top rate of tax to 45p means that I can't wait to pay my fair share of taxes and I intend to immediately drop all the clever ways I used to avoid paying 50p. Raising the stamp duty on houses worth more than £2 million has put a stop to my hobby of buying a new mansion every week, but even people like me can't have everything - can we?" Having given the super-rich a bonus of £3 billion (which according to George Osborne actually equals nothing), the Chancellor then raised taxes for pensioners which, by sheer coincidence, also came to £3 billion. We asked a pensioner for her view; "I'm so glad I voted Tory in the last election. That nice boy George Osborne has taken the money I need to pay my bills and given it to a few distressed rich people. I'm proud of him and proud that I can make my contribution to keeping rich people rich - its so nice to be useful and to be still wanted." The extra 3p on a litre of petrol was also greeted with cheers as this promised to reduce business profits, fuel inflation and throw even more people out of work. "This is a budget for ordinary people," the Chancellor told his cheering bankbenchers. "It's a pity all those ordinary people happen to live in China and India, but there you go." We also asked Nick Clegg for his view; "I'm sorry there's no one here to answer your questions at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep."

Osborne: Taxation Deters Businessmen Because They're Greedy And Stupid.

Having announced his distraction to the real purpose behind the budget, that he will "come down hard of rich people dodging stamp duty," George Osborne has been busy setting out his reasons for not taxing rich businessmen; "Essentially higher taxation deters business and enterprise because all businessmen are greedy and stupid. Having no idea how capitalism actually works, they won't even get out of bed unless we reward them with huge amounts of tax free money for doing as little as possible. It is because they are so greedy and stupid that we must reward them to attract the best kind of morons to these positions. There is a world competition going on the attract the greediest and most stupid and we have to compete with other countries who are too corrupt to have taxation to make sure we get our fair share of idiots. With no taxation to speak of as far as the rich are concerned, we have no alternative but to tax ordinary people to death. They are stupid too, inasmuch as they will stand by and let us do it. Of course, in the end, there will be no money left in the economy for ordinary people to buy things with and businessmen will soon find themselves out of business but, by then, they'll be even richer and won't care too much. I won't care because I'll be out of politics and will have retired to my beach villa in Florida or wherever. And that is how my budget will work in the interests of the nation - rewarding the greedy and stupid by taking money from the plain stupid." Toryism dolendum est!

Osborne Plants His First Red Herring.

George Osborne hit the TV studios today (or at least the BBC studio) in order to plant his first red herring and persuade us all that he's being fair in the budget. "I intend to come down hard on rich people who try to avoid stamp duty when buying homes," he told Andrew Marr. Until today the super-rich avoiding stamp duty was never discused. The reason? Because it is not a major problem since, like the rest of us, the super-rich tend to buy a home and then live there. By and large they don't buy a new home every week, though they do avoid paying other taxes on a daily basis. Aware that he needs to throw a bone to an electorate eager to be fooled again, Osborne has picked the least lucrative of all the tax dodges that the super-rich enjoy. Then, having "come down hard" on the super-rich, he will cut their income tax bill by 20% and, hey presto, problem solved. Meanwhile he will go ahead with cutting the wages, benefits and tax credits of the poor, creating the low wage, high taxation economy that he dreams about. Don't be fooled by this slight of hand, Osborne is simply playing a shell game in which ordinary people will always lose. Toryism dolendum est!