The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 26 November 2011

Ex-Tory Councillor Is Offensive.


Andrew Draper, a former Tory district councillor for Waveney, has been found guilty of sending offensive e-mails to a female police sergeant after being arrested for drink driving. After the driving offence Mr.Draper complained at the way he'd been treated by the police. "How dare they arrest me for drink driving - I'm a Tory and have a God-given right to do whatever I like." When his complaint was dismissed he sent an e-mail that said; "How many brown envelopes did you take. You fat **** - when was the last time a man desired you?" We asked Mr.Draper for his side of things; "The local police knew I was a Tory councillor and, therefore, above the law, but they ignored this and wontonly prosecuted me for driving while pissed out of my brains. It's a disgrace. I'm not a common criminal - I'm a Tory criminal and should be treated as a special case. I'm deeply upset by their persistent failure to realise how important I am and how they've abused my Tory rights. Fortunately my close friend Theresa May has promised me that she will soon fire every policeman and woman in the country over this."

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