The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

G20: Note Reveals Sense Of Urgency

A note discovered on the floor of David Cameron's car at the G20 conference and pictured above has revealed the sense of urgency that has gripped world leaders. "With Occupy movements springing into existence across the western world, the world economy threatening to come off the rails and politicians running around like headless chickens," an aide to the PM told us, "the British government feels that someone must take control. David Cameron is determined to find that person and preach at him from the sidelines. We would do more but we can't offend the corporations that pay our little "extras." We think that the corruption and cronyism in the corporate world should be outlawed across the world, except in Britain so they'll all come and set up business here and make our brave leaders even richer than they are now. We've canvassed the French and Germans to go along with us pauperising them but they told us to sod off and Italy is set to go the same way as Greece, so that leaves President Obama. To be honest we think he's too smart for us, but you have to try don't you? We did consider cooperation for a while but couldn't find a way to make that pay, so we've abandoned the idea. We'll just have to make do with screwing the British public for the time being and hope they don't notice. The BBC have already agreed to find new "Royal Family" stories to divert attention."

No comments:

Post a Comment