The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Virtually Unconscious Cameron Accuses Protestors Of Being Comatose.

David Cameron, despite appearing to be unconscious to almost everything, has accused the St.Paul's protestors as practically "comatose." "Their protest is not constructive when compared to the wonderful work done by our heroic bankers. You don't see them whinging about corporate greed and unfairness. No, they stand on their own two feet and face the world with determination and a hand in everyone's pocket." Asked about the metropolitan police's threat to use rubber bullets against students he told our reporter; "We don't tell the police what to do. If they want to shoot at the peasants that's up to them. I wouldn't want to be accused of using violence against protestors like the government in Syria - I'll let the fuzz take the blame instead. I agree that peasants have the right to protest but they should do it at home or in some God forsaken Middle Eastern country."

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