The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday 7 November 2011

Early Onset Of Dementia Explains Tory Support.


Doctors have advised people to warch out for the early signs of demential amongst their relatives. "Early symptoms include forgetting other people," one doctor told us, "and forgetting where things are. This is quickly followed by a tendency to live in the past and becoming utterly selfish. The final stage is usually signalled when the patient begins to vote Tory. Tory party members are usually born with these disabiities, having no regard for other people, leaving sensitive information in bins and taxis and a yearning for the "good old days" and so cannot be regarded as being demented - they're just selfish gits by nature. However, there have been some worrying signs amongst the present cabinet members who seen to have forgotten that they have responsibility for their ministries. Theresa May is simply the latest example but examples include Michael Gove, Ian Duncan Smith, Eric Pickles and, above all, George Osborne. David Cameron is certainly an exception since he never had any sense of responsibility and has remained more or less on holiday since he took office."

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