The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday 22 November 2011

Francis Maude Amasses Huge Pension Fund For Himself.


Francis Maude while slashing the pension benefits of ordinary public workers, is amasing a huge pension pot for himself. His pot, it turns out, will be in the region of £731,000 which will yield over £40,000 per year when he retires. Nor is he alone since all government ministers, every one of them very eager to cut ordinary people's pensions, are in line for the same nice little earner when they give us all a break and finally retire from torturing the rest of us. We asked Mr.Maude for his comments; "I deserve a pension of this size because I'm a very important person who is better by far than your ordinary run of the mill peasant. People like me, the deserving rich, have to keep up certain standards in order to demonstrate our innate superiority. As a millionaire £40,000 a year is neither here nor there but I'm going to claim it because I wouldn't want it to end up supporting someone who doesn't deserve it - the disabled, poor pensioners and all that kind of rubbish. Ordinary people, once they get old, should have the good grace to die and relieve me and my rich rates of the burden they represent. We've made a start by making sure that people have no where to live, can't afford to heat their hovels and have no NHS to rely on. My advice to poor old age pensioners? Die soon so people like me can enjoy our twilight years."

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