Incomes Set To Plunge As Tories Celebrate.

As David Cameron sneered at two million strikers and described their action as "a damp squib," the Institute for Fiscal Studies has warned that ordinary people's income will be no better in 2014 than it was in 2002. This despite the fact that executive pay is increasing at the incredible rate of over 40% per year. We asked the Chancellor for Rich People Only for his comments; "Yes, we in the Tory party see this as a triumph. At last we have the working man where we want him - unemployed and virtually destitute. For Britian to be successful in the modern world it is vitally important that we turn back the clock to Medieval times. People have accused me of treating ordinary people like peasants but I refute this utterly. Peasants had far too many rights - did you know that they used to have Sundays off? Only with the return of slavery can rich people like me hope to maintain our wealth and power. I for one have already invested in a business that manufactures shackles. Of course I understand that slavery cannot be reintroduced overnight which is why we are only aiming for the return of day labour and the abolition of the minimum wage during this parliament. Once we've redrawn the constituency boundaries to guarantee a permanent Tory majority after the next election then we can really get down to work. Merry Christmas."