The News In Shorts

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Friday, 11 November 2011

Lord Hanningfield Converts To Prison Rehabilitation.

Lord Hanningfield, pictured above in his work clothes, has announced his conversion to the view that prison can rehabilitate offenders after his own recent release from prison for theft. The Peer, who has spent a whole ten weeks in jail for stealing £14,000, described his experience as "like being in Guantanamo Bay." "As a Tory I've never really believed that prison can rehabilitate offenders and, in the case of the lower orders, I still don't. However, when it comes to people like me - the better sort - I now believe it can work. I am now a completely honest man who has paid his debt to society and I will be taking my rightful place in the House of Lords with that other old lag, Lord Taylor of Warwick. There we will push for more prison reform - a return of the treadmill for working class criminals and more champagne and caviar for wealthy prisoners who have "inadvertently" broken the law and don't really deserve to go to prison in the first place. Of course I wasn't guilty of anything other than being "confused" between money that belongs to me and money that belongs to someone else. It was a mistake any hard working, innocent Tory peer could make."

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