The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 7 November 2011

Tories Reward Themselves With £750,000 Of Olympic Tickets.

The government has used £750,000 of taxpayers money to reward themselves with Olympic tickets. 411 of the tickets were for the beach volleyball event as pictured above. We asked a Tory party spokesperson why; "The Tory party, like much of the country, is filled with brain dead people who think that watching sport is really, really important. As to the beach volleyball thing, half-naked girls bouncing up and down is a legitimate and important sport for leering Tory ministers to ogle at. The Olympic games is also a very important opportunity for ministers to impress Johnnie Foreigner and show off how wealthy and important they've become. The fact that hotel bookings for next summer have fallen by 95%, as anyone with any sense avoids the capital during this over-priced jamboree, is neither here nor there. This represents a valuable opportunity to show the rest of the world that we are as stupid as they are. It's a matter of national pride even though most British citizens, who are going to foot the bill, will never get within a hundred miles of any of these events."

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