The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Government "Considers" Automatic Benefit Increases.

Government ministers, it was revealed today, are "considering alternatives" to a 5.2% increase in benefits. We asked a Tory insider for his comments; "We don't think that's its fair that people on benefits should get an increase when poor bankers are struggling so much with bonuses reduced to £1 million. Fortunately most people when they hear the word "benefits" think of unemployment benefits for people who refuse to work and forget it also refers to old age pensions. That has been one of the greatest achievements of this government, persuading voters that most of their fellow citizens are somehow getting more than they are. If we can keep public sector and private sector voters at each others throats with a bit of luck they won't notice what we're up to. The "alternative" that we're considering is giving these scroungers less so that scroungers like me can have more. Seems perfectly acceptable to me."

No comments:

Post a Comment