The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 3 November 2011

George Osborne Rules Out Robin Hood Tax.


A leaked letter to the banks from George Osborne proves beyond all doubt that he will not, under any circumstances, impose a "Robin Hood" tax on them. "I know there has been a lot of talk about a "Robin Hood" tax in the press recently," the letter reads, "and that David Cameron has had to pretend that he supports it in principle, but I am writing to assure you that we will not impose it. That bloody Archbishop has caused a great deal of trouble just when the public were beginning to forget all about it, but I believe that David has run rings around the silly old bugger so it should be all right. A couple of world leaders at the G20 have said they will ask for the tax to be imposed across the world but I think we can scupper that easily enough. I know David said he would impose the tax if the rest of the world does, but, I ask you, what are the chances of that? Have you considered paying off those leaders? I know that David and I have cost you a fair bit, but a few million more couldn't hurt could it? By the way, how much will my "bonus" be this year?"

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