Minimum Wage Increases By A Generous 15p.

In a show of generosity and to thank the British people George Osborne has allowed the minimum wage to rise by a generous 15p per hour. "It's the very least we can do," he told "The News In Shorts,""and I mean the very least. Of course it won't make much difference as unemployment ascends into orbit and, anyway, we intend to abolish it as soon as we can get away with it. In the meantime it will offset the billions of pounds we allow tax avoiders to get away with - not by much I agree, but at least its something. I confidently predict a Tory landslide at the next election because of this." We asked the CBI for their reaction; "We think this is a terrible idea. It takes money out of the pockets of the wealth creators whose mission is to create the wealth we withold from everyone else. The economy won't flourish until workers are once again living in the utopia of grinding poverty and we're the only ones allowed to vote." "This is a stunning victory," a spokesperson for the TUC told us. "Without the courage and hard work of the unions we wouldn't have this generous concession from our social superiors. We will certainly be humbly approaching them with our caps in our hands to offer our heartfelt thanks."