The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Hammond Fires Starting Gun For Libya.

Philip Hammond pictured above, the recently appointed Minister of Defence, has signalled a mad scramble for business opportunities in Libya. "It's bloody marvelous," he told "The News In Shorts." "We bomb the crap out of Libya - with the permission of the present owners - and then get to repair all the damage we've caused. This is capitalism at it's best - self sustaining and creating opportunities for itself wherever it can. Better yet we can replace all that crappy Russian equipment the Libyan army was saddled with. We not only get the contract for spare parts, we know where their weaknesses are if we have to bomb the crap out of them again. Pack your bags boys, Libya's open for business!" We asked a leading British manufacturer of toilet furniture for his comments; "We've got to get in before the bloody Italians - my bag's already packed and I'm on the next BMI flight into Benghazi to sell our new range of self-flushing loos. We expect to find a great deal of pent up demand. We always do in hot countries with dodgy food and dead bodies lying all over the place."

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