The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Huhne Blames Consumers For Energy Prices.

In a joint statement of policy the Energy Secretary, Chris Huhne, and the world's first part-time Prime Minister, David Cameron, have told consumers that they are to blame for high energy prices. "People must come to grips with the fantastically complicated tariffs that the energy companies have dreamt up to confuse them. A short course in quantum physics is not beyond most housewives and is not that expensive - less than £27,000. In the meantime we are bringing out a raft of totally inefective legislation that won't be passed for years - so we've done our bit. Nor is there any point in blaming the energy companies who are doing their best to fleece customers in order to meet the demand for the Tory party "donations" that sprang into existence after we privatised them in the 1980's. If you don't want to pay high energy bills our advice, as the new "caring" Tory Party, is to freeze to death this winter and turn off the television so you can't tell what's going on." We asked a representative from the energy industry for his view; "This is all good stuff from the government," he told our reporter, rubbing his hands together. "We were a bit worried they might demand lower prices but they've done the right thing - told customers to stump up and stop complaining. I've already sent Chris and Dave a bottle of bubbly each and an envelope with a little "something" in it for them."

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