The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Tighter Expenses Rules Are Harming MP's Mental Health.

The doctor in charge of monitoring MP's health, Dr.Ira Madan, has warned that tighter expenses rules are having a severe negative effect on MP's sense of well-being; "It's tragic," Dr.Madan told us. "MP's are having to spend more and more of their time trying to think up ever more complicated scams. Some of them are hardly able to get more than 12 hours sleep per day and one MP told me that he's lost nearly a week's holiday this year and has only been able to spend 26 weeks lying on a beach in the Caribbean since January. The public must understand that MP's are considering some very weighty problems at the moment. Will Liam Fox get away with it and, if he doesn't, will I be found out? How can I get my hands on healthcare stocks without the public noticing? Should I put my money in Belize or Jersey? How can I hide all the dosh the banks have given me to prevent regulation?" We asked our political editor for his reaction to the news; "Good. Now they know how the rest of the bloody country feels."

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