Michael Gove Punishes Children.

Michael Gove pictured above, Minister for Reeducation and winner of this year's "Mr.Bean Lookalike" competition, has succeeded in his aim to punish children for not voting Tory. "We're very pleased at our progress," Mr.Gove told our reporter. "We've now managed to bring spending down faster than at any time since the 1950's, mainly by refusing to spend on capital projects. This has two very welcome effects - it puts children into slum schools to match their slum housing and it further depresses the British economy by reducing employment in the building industry. My next step is to reduce the English reading list to one book "Swallows and Amazons" - a book that was highly popular in the 1950's and, coincidentally, published by a publishing house that is owned by me. We had thought of using "My Family And Other Animals" but decided the title was too collectivist - "Swallows and Amazons," we think, injects a more competative element."