The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Investment In The Economy No Such Thing.

The recent announcement of £1 billion being invested in the economy turns out to be no such thing it is now revealed. The money, which is actually less then a billion, has already been earmarked and does not constitute new money as the government tried to infer. We asked a coalition spokesperson for an explaination. "We were feeling under pressure, what with Ed Milliband pointing out how complacent we are and the Occupy movement showing how venal we are. We felt we had to do something, or at least say something that sounded good. So we re-announced the money we'd already put aside for things we have to do whether we want to or not. It sounded like a good idea at the time but I would accept that it's all been done in a rather caghanded way. Then again we are a caghanded government so that's all right - isn't it?"

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