The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 30 October 2011

Canada To Change Its National Emblem.


In a controversial move Canada has proposed dropping the beaver as their national emblem in favour of the polar bear. We asked a polar bear for her response; "It's very nice of them," she told our reporter, "but personally I come from Greenland. I have nothing against Canada - I visit it often - but I wouldn't want to live there. I do feel sorry for the beavers - I have lots of beaver friends - but I think their reputation has suffered over the last few years because of an unfortunate association with an American slang term for - well you know what I mean. I know many Cannuks are getting tired of Americans shouting over the border, "Seen any beaver lately?" and things like that." We turned to the beaver community for its view; "We are very disappointed," a spokesbeaver told our reporter. "We've approached our local representatives and are beavering away at mounting a counter-campaign, but its an uphill struggle. Of course its complicated because Canadians keep trying to skin us and that can be annoying. I have nothing against polar bears personally - though their table manners are terrible - but are they the right symbol for Canada? The sealion community is totally against the change and have mounted a campaign illustrated with a blood-spattered polar bear eating one of their number."

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